The End of a Hot and Sexy Era

Yesterday was a sad day in the world of sports.  One of the best looking male athletes of my generation has retired, leaving his sport EVEN less interesting to watch... Tennis.  Now I consider myself quite the "sports enthusiast", but I can't lie and tell you it's hard for me to tear away from the TV when Tennis is on.  As a woman, seeing a man dripping with ungodly amounts of sweat, while knocking a neon ball back and forth over a net is not very sexy.  I mean, at least in baseball they wear tight pants, football they hit each other making you feel like they are "real men", and basketball and soccer involves so much running back and forth they usually at least have super hot bodies... But tennis, eh.  However, about 12 years ago a young hot-headed, hot-bodied, piece of eye candy came onto the scene, and finally made women want to stop and stare, that man was Andy Roddick.  Now some of you women may have no clue who he is, so to easier understand who I am referring to, Brooklyn Decker's husband.  I can see the proverbial light bulbs going on now.  Yes that stud who was always dressed nice in his Lacoste, and would sweat so much, you waited for him to wipe his brow with his shirt in hopes of catching a glimpse of his abs, he is no longer playing competitive tennis.  So what does all this mean you ask:

                                                              You are welcome ladies.

For Tennis: Probably the last decade's most well known AMERICAN face of the sport is retiring. 

For Women: The most attractive face EVER in the sport is retiring.

For Tennis: The once fastest serve ever recorded (155 mph) was hit by Andy, later superseded by some tall Croatian guy (Ivo Karlović)

For Women: There will no longer be cameos made by Brooklyn Decker and her super model friends in the crowd. 

For Tennis:  Some of the referees will be grateful there won't be as many insults thrown their way for bad calls.

For Women:  There won't be as many insults thrown at the referees in an effort to make tennis more interesting to watch.

                                    Tennis will never have this kind of talent in the crowd again.

So, if you are like me, and you barely tolerated tennis, unless you were watching this hunk grunt and sweat all over the court (whilst imagining him sweating and grunting elsewhere), then yesterday was a VERY sad day for you too.  The good news, I can't imagine Andy will be COMPLETELY out of the spotlight any time soon, especially while he keeps that hot little wifey of his on his arm, but the world of tennis is going to have to find a new bad boy, hot piece of ass if they have any hopes of retaining the 18-34 year old women demographic.  Until then, should our husbands/boyfriends/girlfriends decide we NEED to watch tennis, we will probably get stuck watching this ugly mug...

So thank You Andy Roddick, for making 12 years of tennis, a little more bearable.

The Trouble With Youth Today...

You know what is socially irresponsible... The "Lederhosen" uniform they used to make Six Flags employees wear.  Why, you ask?  Well for those of you who don't know the name "Six Flags" comes from the 6 different flags that have flown over our great state of Texas, based on who "ruled" over us at the time.  The 6 different flags are Spain, France, Mexico, Republic of Texas, The United States of America, and The Confederate States of America.  Nowhere in there do you see Germany, do you?  Then why do they force these poor high school kids to where these gnome costumes and pigtail braids?  No wonder our kids today are getting dumber and dumber, even amusement parks are teaching them incorrect information.  I mean if you wanted to be accurate have one guy wear a Matador costume(Spain), have someone not brush their teeth, shave their armpits, shower, or wear deodorant before coming to work (France).  Have one employee put his last name on a sticker written in Old English on his back windshield (Mexican), or another wearing chaps and a cowboy hat (Texas), while others march through the "Streets" of the park Whistling Dixie (Confederate).  As for the U.S.A. flag, well most park goers will cover that stereotype, wearing their fanny packs while shovelling thousands of calories of refined sugar and grease down their 350lb throat. 

On a similar note, you know what else is socially irresponsible, the word ORCA.  Why?  Imagine this scenario:

Tommy and his dad are riding to Sea World for the first time and Tommy's dad asks "Hey Tommy are you excited for Shamu?"  Tommy replies with "What's a Shamu?"  Tommy's dad properly explains that Shamu is a killer whale that they have trained to do tricks and perform in shows.  Tommy then asks "Well if they do all of those neat tricks and stuff why are they called KILLER whale?"  Tommy's dad goes on to explain that though they are fun to watch, they are still wild animals and yes, they do kill other animals either for food or when they think they are being threatened.

Jimmy and his dad are riding to Sea World for the first time and Jimmy's dad asks "Hey Jimmy are you excited for Shamu?"  Jimmy replies with "What's a Shamu?"  Jimmy's dad explains that Shamu is an ORCA that they have trained to do tricks and perform in shows.  Jimmy is so excited now because his dad has described ORCAS to be beautiful, majestic creatures, put on this Earth solely to entertain children at Sea World.

Now both families are sitting at the Shamu show in awe of how amazing the first 20 minutes has been.  As "Tanya" the whale trainer is standing up on the platform waiting for Shamu's big finale, Shamu is circling the bottom of the oversized tank getting pumped up.  "Tanya" blows her whistle to signal to Shamu that it is time to come up to the surface for the final trick, and nothing, he continues to circle.  "Tanya", being the great improviser that she is, starts looking out at the crowd as if to say "C'Mon guys HE CAN'T HEAR YOU, LOUDER!" and moves her hands in an upward motion to get the crowd into it.  She whistles again, and again, still no Shamu.  Then just as she turns her back to the tank to pump the crowd up some more, Shamu jumps up on the platform, grabs "Tanya" by her feet causing her to smack her face on the platform and drags her into the water.  Luckily Sea World has equipped the tank with viewing windows just so every child in the place can watch as Shamu drags her through the water like a rag doll.  He then pops his head out of the water and spits her to the platform, beaten and battered, like she was nothing but an empty sunflower seed shell.  Finally he submerges and goes on his way.

Now I know that was graphic and unfortunately stories like this one I made up have really happened.  But what happened to Tommy and Jimmy?  Well Jimmy's dad looks over to see his son's white face streaming with tears and 4 years later he is still seeking therapy.  While Tommy stood up and replied, "Wow what a great show Dad, but can we head over to the fat ass seals with the big teeth, I hear their show is HILARIOUS!"

The moral of the story... Be socially responsible.